It never ceases to amaze me what people are willing to pay for a house...or a car...or a dress for their daughter's wedding...or a cake for their daughter's wedding...OR THEIR DAUGHTER'S WEDDING!
We see people in the news who spend more on their car than I did on my first house...or every house since then for that matter. I see wedding dresses for thousands and thousands of dollars when I know for a fact that you can buy one for under $1,200 -- beautiful, classy, well-made fairytale wedding gowns. I know this because neither one of my girls spent more than that. One was a princess dress with puckers and poofs and one was sleek and fitted with the back cut to the waist. And they were absolutely beautiful brides. And this is the craziest part: YOU'RE ONLY GONNA WEAR THAT GOWN FOR ONE EVENING AND NEVER PUT IT ON AGAIN! By the time you get to your 25th wedding anniversary, you'll pull it out, get depressed because you can no longer zip it, and decide to get rid of it. Come on now, you know it's true!
I don't know if it's because I grew up in a household that ran on a shoestring budget or that I made just $2.00 an hour at my first job, but somewhere along the way I realized that money didn't grow on trees. I'll never forget my mom picking us up from school and we'd all go to the grocery store and she'd purchase groceries for that night's dinner with the $3.00 my dad had given her that morning! You cannot even buy a pound of hamburger meat for $3.00 now, let alone the entire meal. Of course, it stands to reason that people who have tons of money don't need to think twice before they drop $100 on one steak for dinner. But, I mean, is there any steak out there worth $100? I think not, and I've eaten a few good steaks in my time. Growing up we were regular patrons of the local library -- well, the bookmobile in that day, where a portable library would make stops in neighborhoods where there was no library, and that's how we got our summer reading. We loved books but we couldn't afford to buy them. I still am a faithful user of my local library!
I probably can attribute my frugal mentality to my sweet daddy. At the funeral the pastor (my brother-in-law) kept lovingly referring to my dad as "cheap," for which my sister kept correcting him, reminding him that daddy was "frugal." And she'd be right...there is a difference. There are those who have plenty of money but because they're afraid of losing that money, they're cheap and won't let go of it. For. Anything. Whatsoever. Frugal people have the same mindset no matter how much money they have. There is only so much money you should pay for an item, and that's that. No compromise. That was my sweet daddy. He would not agree that something was worth more than it was, that is, until my mother wanted do do something for one of their kids, and she won out every time. Daddy became a real softy when it came to his family. But generally speaking Daddy was very frugal and that is why I can probably attribute my "thrifty-mindedness" to my dad. I never ever pay full price for anything, because I saw how he could stretch a dollar and growing up we always had everything we needed and some things we just wanted. Even into my dad's latter years, he would go to the grocery store and take two or three hours shopping for the best deals. I'm not kidding! I also shop for the best price on an airline ticket, for the best prices on anything for my house and the houses we renovate, for the best prices on my clothes and shoes, and, yes, I still frequent the library every single month!
I've heard it said that by the time you learn how to be a good parent, you're out of a job...the kids are grown and off on their own. I also think that's true of learning a lot of life's lessons. It's taken me years to realize that a big ol' house is nice when you have company at the holidays, but it can become a burden every other day of the year when you're having to keep it up. Ditto for a lot of other things people think they "need" in life. I mean, how many cars or boats can you really drive or ride in at one time? And don't even get me started on shoes. My shoes are at an all-time high right now because I need to dress professionally for work, but that comes in at a cool 15 pair, and that includes winter boots and summer flip flops (it's true, I just went in my closet and counted them!).
I've been thinking about my dad a lot since he passed away. I learned many great things from the man who gave me life and took care of me, even into his last days. He always wanted to know if his kids needed anything and there is nothing he loved more than taking us out to a big dinner. I think of his frugality now with endearment, but there were times growing up when it totally irritated me. But he knew something I obviously did not, that money did not grow on trees.
But now we have the Dollar Tree in most small towns. And it amazes me that you can go into that store and they will take one dollar for an item and actually a pretty good one if you're willing to look. So that brings me back to my lipstick. I am such a believer in lipstick making me look better that I actually would pay up to $10 for a tube that I really loved. But don't even talk to me about $40 tubes. Why should I pay one penny more when I've found one I love at the dollar store? And a few other things as well, I might add.
Nowadays I think money just might grow on a tree...at least at the Dollar Tree anyway. I think Daddy would agree.
"My parents valued books, but they grew up in the Depression, aware of the quicksilver nature of money, and they learned the hard way that you shouldn't buy what you could borrow.”
― Susan Orlean, The Library Book
Every family has issues.
Whether it's something as simple as sibling rivalry or as serious as substance abuse, every family has them. I believe that family is forever and is the crucial foundation for a society that is lacking in so many moral issues these days. So we take family and embrace it with everything we got...the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, the crazy along with the normal, and the tiny moments in between that make up most of our days. Family is everything and forever.
It's been six months since I last blogged. Christmas a year ago was ushering in a new year full of unknowns for me: my health; my marriage; my work; and my securities as I had always known them...I must confess it was a time of great hardship and sometimes utter despair and confusion. I didn't know it at the time, but I would also lose the man who brought me into this world in the coming months. The past six months have found me striving to be in a better place. I've been working hard trying to get healthier, making better choices for my life, and deciding what I want to do when I grow up (!!!), while at the same time trying to maintain family connections and connections with friends who are like family. And, believe me, you drag all those people through the mud with you. But isn't that what family is all about? Six months of praying, pondering, crying in the nights and facing doubts in the days left me a broken person but a person with a desire to be whole again. It's been a time of hurting and healing, tears and laughter, and immense soul-searching. After all, Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time for everything under the sun. I hope to share more about that at another time.
But back to family. My siblings and I have joined the club this week of 'no longer having our parents with us.' It is a club we didn't want to join because we are so blessed to have had the best, loving parents. We have absolutely no choice who our parents will be when we come into this world and, if you're blessed enough to have a mama and daddy who truly love you, well, then you're very blessed. And our family really can't complain because they were with us longer than most people get and, as we laid my father to rest this week, we felt such love and peace remembering the sweet times we had with him, the joy and goodness he showed his family, and the promise of being together again some day on the other side. It's so wonderful to be able to say that and to truly believe it in our hearts.
My father believed in family and there was nothing more important to him than family. Everything he did in life was secondary to his family. He was not a greatly educated man, but he had the knowledge and wisdom of what it meant to have family and to be family and to cherish family. If me and my siblings were ever at odds, he felt the need to help us mend it. If he ever thought he'd hurt one of us (which he never did), he was troubled until he knew everything was in harmony again. His relationship with my mom was far from perfect but he loved her unconditionally and longed to be with her again in his last days. I believe he is with her now and that makes me smile. I believe my dad was ready to go be with his Lord. My family was in a peaceful place and he was ready to say goodbye because he knew that we were all okay. My brother saw him Christmas Day, and me the next. He was waiting on my sister to get there and, when she arrived on the 27th, it wasn't long before she kissed him goodbye for the last time. There is no greater connection than to share blood with another human (or make babies with them!). If you are estranged from a family member, I implore you to make it right. If you tend to take your family for granted, I urge you to learn to cherish them no matter how rotten they may be. We have no promise that we will get one more day together on this earth, and we must live like today is our very last one.
As for the new year that is upon us, I am looking forward to the new year with hope and anticipation. I feel inspired to write again and I owe that to my sweet daddy because he always always always supported me in everything I did and made me feel valued and worthy of someone who has something to share. I pray that your year will be a year of blessings, hope, and new beginnings for you. I pray that you will see the value you have as person in this great family we call humanity We have a fresh new set of months and weeks and days and hours to dream and improve and move ahead and make better and , even though this year ended with having to say a hard goodbye for me, I say hello to the future, and all its beautiful possibilities.
And I plan to keep family closer than ever because another year will be over before we know it. Here's to family, friends, and all the love our hearts can hold in 2020 !
For all the wonderful friends who have sent me condolences for the passing of my father, I sincerely thank you. Many of you have shared memories of my father from many years ago...how kind he was or something he did for you that you've never forgotten. I am so honored to have had a father who people remember in those ways, and it makes me love him even more.
"A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold."
- Proverbs 22:1
A couple of posts back I quoted a saying about gratefulness. I have seen this quote, or something of similar wording, many places in recent months. Gratefulness has become a new way of life somewhat for many, and I think that's great. But I sometimes wonder What took us so long? With Independence Day on the horizon, we as Americans have so much to be thankful for. You might say what is that? I'm so glad you asked.
For one thing, I'm grateful to be free. Now, some may say we're not really free, because we have to obey laws and pay taxes. But when I remind myself that those unpleasant duties protect our freedoms and way of life, I realize they truly are necessary evils. I mean, why do we have to drive 55 when 80 would get us there much faster, right? Our taxes pay for many communal things and, even though I'm sure a lot of it goes to "pork" as they say, I'll just keep paying and enjoying the well-maintained roads, amazing infrastructure of this great land, and all those wonderful politicians who provide us with such ample subjects for heated discussion.
Another thing this great nation provides: Opportunity. Now, opportunity is just that...the opportunity, or chance, to move ahead, be better, be rewarded for hard work, live out your dreams. I know circumstances for some even in this country are dire but we all know stories of those who have worked with tireless hope to pull themselves out of the pit into the dream that awaits them if they work hard enough, believe hard enough, and dream big enough. Thirdly, and perhaps the most important thing we enjoy as Americans is safety. I'll be the first to say that sometimes our judicial system fails people. The crazies and haters are out there, and people are killed in the streets for no reason and justice might never be served on the perpetrators. People go to jail for crimes they didn't commit; people are accused of things they didn't do; people are slandered every day of every month of every decade and never recover from the hate of others. Unfortunately, social injustice is alive in America.
But, if we're all honest with ourselves, we have to admit that this nation is the best of the best. We take so many things for granted. If you've ever wondered if capitalism has failed its people and socialism would be a better fit, just read Forty Autumns by Nina Willner. It tells what her family endured as they lived behind the Iron Curtain after WWII, how she was fortunate enough to escape to America during that time, and the agony of not seeing her family for 40 years. It was an eye opener for me to read a true story of what folks really went through with the invasion of communism into East Germany and the infiltration of socialism where they had very few choices about pretty much anything in their lives. Socialism might seem like a fair way to live, but it limits the freedom to dream, to move forward to hope for more. It not only limits hope, I would venture to say that it just might completely destroy it. Hope stirs the soul and drives you forward. Hope is life-giving and, in fact, life itself.
So the attitude of gratitude transfers into our daily lives as a noble and satisfying way to live. If we want to buy steak and cannot afford it, we are grateful for the hamburger that fills our plate and it tastes just as good. If we're grateful for the old comfy sofa we sit on every night, we don't always pine for something new and better and the latest style. If we're grateful for the four-room house we have, the 12-room house loses its luster a little bit (besides, you have to clean that monster!). If we're truly grateful for the family and friends we enjoy every day and the satisfaction of giving to others and make that our number one priority, all the material things that we long for somehow miraculously fall away, and what we have becomes enough.
I have not always been such a grateful person. Back in the day when I was quite young and a whole lot more stupid, I pined for more...the pretty car, the bigger house, lots of great clothes, the larger diamond...all the things that fade in their lure over time. I still love nice things, but I've learned to appreciate the true necessities of life...a safe place to lay my head at night, food (whatever that might be!) on the table, good health, and love and friendship. I also thank God every single day for running hot water! During the few times I've been without it in my life, I cringed at what my great great grandmothers had to endure while raising their families. On my many trips to Honduras, I marveled at what little those folks have. Most don't have running water, let alone running HOT water. One day a friend visited and, as she washed dishes at the kitchen sink, she tried to ask me in what little English she could speak to please turn off the hot water, it was burning her hands! They clean and bathe in cold water, and take chances every day that the water they drink will not be filled with parasites.
We take so many things for granted.
To live in a country where we can be or achieve pretty much anything is a dream. But to remember that we don't necessarily need everything we can dream up is a lesson that has to be learned over the years as you grow in wisdom and experiences and a lesson that ushers in the gratefulness of which I speak. I've had the big house, the newest cars, and latest of pretty much everything. Right now I have a tiny house, a capsule wardrobe, an 8-year-old car that gets me around just fine, and a very curated collection of some favorite things. I have everything I need...maybe not every little thing I want, but every thing I need.
And I call it very fittingly...my Happy Place.
Happy 4th of July next week, and remember to be grateful!
The simple act of gardening with their mama is a joy in itself. Kids learn that gardening is not so simple though...it takes hard work to grow food. They say if kids help grow their own food, they'll eat more veggies. I noticed after baby girl had carried around the bell pepper in her supergirl cape for awhile, she had taken a big bite out of it! She was gonna at least try something she helped grow!
“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”
Happy June to all, and happy summer! It has arrived in Georgia with all its 95-degree fury. Just when I was getting used to the 75-degree glorious days of late spring, -- bamm! -- I find myself sweating profusely, and even my sunscreen runs into my eyes with a personal fury of its own -- ouch! I've heard it said that we southern ladies don't sweat, we glisten. But I say call it like it is, sweating hard and fast like any man is what we do (not that I'm proud of it, though). And that's because we work just as hard like a boss, right?! Even my lawn guy tapped on the door to say he wouldn't be mowing this week because he didn't want to leave my yard a dust bowl! Or maybe he was just hotter than a firecracker and was sick and tired of working in a sauna and needed a break. Needless to say, everyone is praying for rain around most parts of Georgia.
As I've been settling in to my little cottage, I've been doing quite the paring down and "getting rid of," and I must say it feels pretty good. But just as I was admiring the order and simplicity of living with less, we cleaned out a 10 x 30 storage unit and, yep, you guessed it, a whole new slew of "stuff" that I forgot I had came my way and I've been trying to figure out what to do with it all. Those blogs about having a "keep" pile, a "throwaway pile," and a "giveaway" pile sound so good, but it's easier said than done for me. I might decide to give something away, only to retrieve it from that pile and place it in the "keep," because, who knows, I just might need it one day. But here's the thing...if you only have 895 square feet, there isn't a whole lot of room to store stuff -- well, really no room to store, just room for everyday stuff and that's a squeeze itself. So what to do? I switch it back from keep to giveaway, and my mind is once again free of the thing that has tried so hard to find a permanent residence with me. I hope in the future to not wanna hold on to "things" so tightly. After all, things are just...things.
Why is it so hard to let go of "stuff"? I've been thinking about that a lot lately, as I've sorted through not only my stuff, but items my mother left behind when she passed away that I've not yet been able to part with. We hang onto stuff out of nostalgia, for one thing. I think for me that's the biggest reason I don't wanna let go. To that item is attached a memory, good or bad, that has somehow tried to make itself a part of my psyche and, to let it go, would be like letting something go that defines me. As I said before, we also hold on to things because we think we just might need it one day. Who knows, we just might need an extra can opener or shoehorn or 9x9 baking pan one day, even though we have three of each. And do you really think you'll ever use those curtains you've had since 1990? I mean, dusty rose and mauve are making a comeback, so they say. I seriously doubt I'll ever want mauve curtains again in my lifetime. So in the future, as I embrace "living with less," I hope to learn the fine art of not holding onto things so tightly. Hold onto people, memories, and experiences, but NOT THINGS!
In trying to purge, we did something that I truly hate and dreaded with all that was within me: We had a garage sale! I got over garage sales back in the early 2000's when we had a sale so big that I vowed never to do it again. I knew it was one way to get rid of stuff and put a little cash in my pocket...money I didn't have and I am not in the practice of giving up extra cash! But, once again I succumbed to its pull, and it proved to be a good way indeed of thinning out the inventory created by the emptying of the storage unit. This stuff had been in storage for going on three years and some of it I had seriously forgotten I had (don't you dare judge!). I mean, this is a fine example of my inability in recent years to let things go. I had this white glossy Siamese cat that I painted in a pottery class back in the seventies (very mid-century). My mother, for some reason unbeknownst to me, loved that cat and kept it until her death in 2014. Of course, since it was my artwork, I inherited it and have tried my best to incorporate it into my decor and honor something in the keeping of that cat (what, I do not know). But the kitty went to a new home this week. A lady from a local junk store scooped her up like a hot commodity and I'm sure by now she's living in a new home making someone very happy with her cool green eyes. Bye-bye, kitty. Hope you're still here at the turn of the next century...just not living at my house. Well, I won't be here either but that's a whole other story.
Little by little I'm taking on small projects that I can do myself here at the "cottage." I recently painted the wood floor in my tiny master closet and it looks so fresh! It was a test run for the possible painting later of the hardwoods in the entire house. I know, I know, I might be a nut even considering painting these 60+year-old oak floors but I love painted floors and they are SO cottage-y. So this is a trial to see if I can live with painted floors. I am enjoying dreaming about how to make this little place mine-all-mine without having to consider re-sale anytime soon or maybe ever. Such a wonderful feeling to have stability and so much fun to do what I like instead of decorating for the buyers to be!
I hope you, my faithful readers, will understand the few and far-between posts I've been able to upload recently.The last few years have been really hard, and some of the changes I've had to make have been as hard as letting go of the aforementioned items. So the last month has been a time of settling in, resting, recuperating, and the beginnings of a healing process that has been a long time in coming. Sometimes taking time away from everything you've known to push forward for what you know is best is equally as hard and comes with it's own set of new challenges. But if it's necessary, then it hopefully proves down the road to be an overdue exercise in healing and self-care. For me, that is exactly what buying this little house has been. It's been a refuge, a place to renew my health and invest in body, soul, and spirit. And it's a lot like its new owner... a bit older, a bit creaky, and full of quirks.
Now, excuse me while I go sniff the bottle of 10-year-old Red Door cologne my mom left behind. You're never too old to need your mama's comfort and, for that reason, I may never let that treasure go.
Painting of the Hardwood Floor in Closet...
Such a simple thing, but made all the difference :)
I've added a couple more pieces to the tiny living room...my wicker bench I found in storage and a much-needed book shelf. It's trial and error, placing and re-placing things to get the just right arrangement that doesn't feel cluttered. Also, family pictures and momentos and ALWAYS fresh flowers make it instantly feel like home!
"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned."
- Maya Angelou
I gathered enough courage to open the cabinet door where I found a mousetrap left by the previous owners. Still empty, yaaaay...doin' my happy dance!
Welcome to #my1957tinybrickcottage !!!
For those of you who've been wondering (and for those of you who have not!)...I bought my next fixer-upper and it's an adorable 1957 brick bungalow. It has four rooms...two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, and a tiny bath. I guess technically that's five rooms but not sure you can actually count the tiny bath. It's perfect!
So much has happened since my last blog post and, as I've struggled to get some things straightened out in my life, I find myself living in what could possibly be called my dream home. How, you say, can a tiny bungalow be a DREAM HOME? Glad you asked.
For starters, I've bought this little fixer-upper with the idea of possibly living here a long time...or however many more years the Good Lord gives me. It is small enough for me to be able to keep it up and big enough for me to live comfortably. It is low-maintenance with brick on all sides and vinyl soffits which will never need painting. It has original oak flooring and a kitchen that is, albeit not the latest in design, spacious and functional. It has an established lawn with hardwoods not overhanging the house directly and some mature shrubs and bushes (like gardenia, holly, and hosta). I've grown more and more intrigued by the tiny house trend and a lot seems right about it to me: Less responsibility to allow more time for doing the things you love (like traveling); less of an imprint on the earth (I mean, who really needs 6,000 square feet?); and just generally less-encumbered with all the "things" it takes to fill up a larger space. And, with me, if I have the space, I will fill it up! As a lot of you know, I've become very disillusioned living in the houses we've renovated, selling, and then moving out, only to do it again the next time. I have moved 10 times in the last 10 or so years. As I've gotten older, I've needed more stability, a respite from work-related issues, and some peace and quiet! This is what I believe this little cottage will give me, and so far it's working out beautifully! Even though I have another house that we're renovating as well, this little one is my baby, and I have great plans for her! She and I are like twins in many ways...almost exactly the same age, up in years but still strong and sturdy, ready to face whatever else the world throws our way, whether it's a doozy of a thunder storm of one of life's inevitable private storms. We'll do it together, she and I, and "she" is swiftly becoming my haven. I am so incredibly grateful.
As for the mouse trap? I am brave and I am strong!! I've pulled dead mice out of the end of my shop vac, no biggy! But one skedattling across my kitchen floor? Eeeeeeeek! Give me a dead one any day of the year!
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a
- Melody Beattie
It was 5:30 a.m. and I lay there mentally preparing for battle. I knew this time was coming but I'd put it off in my mind...one more day won't matter...it's somehow gonna all come together in the end, down around the 11th hour. I thrust one foot (in great need of a pedicure) over the edge of the bed and pulled my tired body up and stood. It was a victory just standing because it was not my normal getting-out-of-bed stance; it was the stance of a warrior. This is the day. It's happening today.
I must start packing.
We are closing on the sale of #our1892adventure in less than one week, and not the first box has been loaded, let alone sealed, labeled or sent down the conveyor belt to its new destination (and who knows where that is?).
I am the most blessed woman on earth, even though sometimes I don't act like it. And you know I'm blessed if you read my random and (lately) very inconsistent blog entries. But I gotta be completely honest. This past week has been one of the hardest of my life. I won't bore you with any details because they are painful, ugly, and completely un-newsworthy. But here's the part that is newsworthy. I have made it through this week from hell and one day, somewhere down the road in a quiet moment of truth and self-reflection, I will realize that this week made me a better person. A stronger person. A person more well-equipped to deal with life and everything life has a tendency to throw my way, leaving me as vulnerable as a granny standing naked on stage in front of 10,000 people. The thought of that alone could slay me right now as I sit here talking to you about my terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad week.
Why is it that when you're on the final leg of something good and you've been waiting, about to cross the finish line, that the monster of regrets, guilt, and negative self-worth comes to your door knocking, and you (like a fool) open that door and invite the monster in (unknowingly, but still...). You entertain him to stay awhile, have a cup of tea, spend the night in the guest bedroom. You gladly serve him for days before you realize the scoundrel is trying to steal the joy and satisfaction of reveling in what you've been able to accomplish like a boss. I'm sure you can relate to this scenario. You're on the last leg of your well-trained-for marathon when you trip and fall, spraining an ankle, and are not able to cross the finish line. You've prepared long and hard for the test you need to ace in reaching a milestone in your career when you come down with the stomach flu and can't get out of bed (except to puke), and the test gets pushed to the back burner for another year. You work long and hard for a payday and, before you can get it, that monster has tried to rob you of all the satisfaction and joy of receiving the reward for which you've worked so diligently, sweating, fretting, and occasionally uttering the random curse word (spoken in a moment of sheer frustration for the 100th problem you've encountered in a day).
I'll tell you why it is. It's life.
Life is hard. It can be gut-wrenching. But somehow in the midst of it all, most of us manage to pull through, survive, even renew and be better. For me, knowing I'm not alone in the battle is the war at least half won. I am blessed to have friends and family who believe in me and keep telling me that (and eventually it sinks into my brain). They tell me I am worth it and worthy of love and worthy of success and worthy of joy and happiness and good things. They push me along, shouting from the sidelines that I'll make it one more time over this new and scarier hurdle. They sit with me in the dark hours as I spill my rubbish upon them, all of the nasty, stinky garbage of regret and lack and self-loathing. Heck, I'm convinced they'd stuff me into a little red wagon and drag me along behind them if they knew it'd help me out of the miry pit. I am blessed because I am loved and, even though I've already had at least two-million-and-two pity parties since the new year began, I am never alone and those folks -- those angels in disguise -- are my heroes. Once again, you have put on your valiant cape, suited up for battle, and followed me into the trenches. And for that, I am beyond grateful and I will never be able to repay you.
As we close another chapter in our renovation story, I have no idea what is next. I have moved 10 times in 10 years and I'm tired. I'm not only tired, but I'm getting old! My greatest ambition right now is to get those boxes packed, transferred to some still-undisclosed location, and sink into a fluffy hotel pillow somewhere down the road and not leave the room for about a week. Right now even the thought of buying a fixer-upper slap wears me down but I know that's just temporary because apparently I have it in my blood. Also, did I mention I need rest? A month on the beach might do the trick, and then I might be ready to go again. No matter how much I say I WILL NOT do it again, I know I will. All it takes is the right house at the right price and, bam!! -- I begin salivating with the juices of creativity and I know it's just a matter of time. After all, I am a self-professed rehab addict (and possible crazy woman) I do believe.
And to #our1892adventure, may I say this: You are truly a bittersweet friend, soon to be a bittersweet memory. There were times when I thought you would most definitely be the end of me. I thought for sure you were gonna be my certain death and, if not the death of me, the death of my marriage or my sanity. But seeing how I try to be a half-glass-full type of gal, one thing is a given...I will never, ever forget you and the valuable lessons you have taught me. They are and will forever down the road be priceless.
“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
― Kathryn Stockett, The Help
(Please, please, please keep telling me this forever and always and I just might make it...)
Looking back on some of my favorite things about #our1892renovation...
Except for being stirred by a couple of texts alerting me that the new year had begun, I rang it in the same way I do most years...sawing logs! Now, I love the idea of staying up till the ball drops and kissing the hubs at midnight, but I realize about 11:00 p.m. that I love my sleep way more than I love ringing in the new year. After all, can't I kiss my hubs any evening (and indeed I do!)? I mean, the year's gonna change whether I'm up or not, but the lack of a good night's sleep lingers on, starting the new year off on a very bad note. But that's not to say I don't love a new year -- I do! As the old year winds down with all the activities of the holidays, I look forward to rest and newness...new opportunities, new experiences, new endeavors, and a new fresh perspective.
Have you solemnly and with great contemplation made your New Year's resolutions? Nope, me neither! I actually don't believe in them. Many years over the last decades I've resolved to lose weight in the new year, only to fail miserably on day 3. I think we can all remember resolutions we've made over the years that lasted no longer than a New York minute, only to feel defeated when we were not able (or willing) to keep them. Unfortunately for me, food is not always solely a means of sustenance and, if I'm truly honest about it, I'm probably one of those who live to eat more than I eat to live. I've pretty much always been this way, and it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, so I'm at peace with it. Food is one of my best friends. I invite her to pretty much anything and everything I do: When I get together with friends and family, when I travel, when I go to the movies (or watch a movie at home), when I'm working, when there's a celebration or a stressful time, or just when I need the comfort of an old familiar friend. I'm not saying this is necessarily a good thing, but just trying to keep it real. Oh, yeah, I eat when I'm hungry too. I love good food and I cannot lie!
I've read some articles and inspiration lately that have brought a new perspective to me on the whole New Year's resolutions thing, and I thought you might enjoy them as well (in my own words, of course). Here goes...
1. Instead of trying to lose a boat load of weight (or even 10 lbs.), by starting a regimen no one can keep, resolve to get healthier. This might include more movement of the ol' body, even if it's taking a walk or making better choices with food, like choosing a healthier option at least once a day (even I can do that!).
2. Instead of reflecting on all the things you want to do differently in the new year (though not a bad thing), reflect on all you did right last year and continue it into the next 12 months and beyond.
3. Instead of dwelling on how much more you want and think you need in the coming year, be truly grateful for what you already have.
4. Instead of worrying what others are always thinking of you, relinquish to be the kind of person you want to be, almost immediately filling your cup to overflowing with this one. We could all use a little more self-love
(God don't make no junk, right?).
5. Show kindness every single day. This one is easier than you think. It might be a genuine smile to a stranger, a word of hope to someone in distress, a listening ear for someone who needs to talk.
There you have it...simple things we all can do in the new year ahead -- resolutions we can keep! Sometimes I think we complicate things waaaay too much. When we put such pressure on ourselves, we set ourselves up for failure. But if we start small and acknowledge that even small achievements and changes count, we can find more fulfillment and happiness, and who couldn't use more of that, right?
All that being said, I wish you the best, most happy and content year in 2019. May you enjoy good health, more love than your heart can hold, and at least a few pieces of fruit with a carrot stick or two in place of that brownie you know you want!
Going into the new year with a few comfort measures for the winter ahead...
***Update on the sale of #our1892adventure: We are moving forward into the new year with high hopes of a sale being finalized in the very near future. We have learned so much from this endeavor and look forward to starting a new renovation soon (working on that one as I write)! Sometimes it takes really reflecting on the previous year and seeing how far you've come to be able to appreciate what you've been able to achieve. The sky is the limit, guys!
"If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am."
- Cyril Cusack
Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go...
Those are the lyrics to the song, but in my case it's to my daughter's house I go. But I do indeed cross the Appalachee River, the Alcovy River, and the Yellow River to get there. The woods however would translate to pounding the 27 miles of pavement between my house and hers, littered with vehicles of every shape and form in the 6:30 a.m. Atlanta traffic. But just like the excitement of a child on their way to their grandmother's house, this grandmother is anxious about what is waiting for her at her destination. It's not so much the what, but the who. A smiling cherub playing the role of a tiny little girl who greets me most mornings with a "Nanaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" before she leaps into my arms and we start our day getting sissy off to school and completing all of the many tasks of a two-year-old. Throughout the course of our day I hear the endless chatter of her talking to her babies and directing them through her pretend but very real situations. She lines up her itsy-bitsy dolls on the edge of the table, then pushes them over and says "Night-night now!" Eight full hours of her all to myself...hands down, the best part of my week. The other five or so days of the week just don't compare but, alas, there are some other things that do require my attention. I've made some extra trips to her house recently, as our youngest and her hubby are in town and we've tried to be all together as much as possible. Good times. Really good times.
As Christmas is upon us and is, in fact, tomorrow, no matter how busy you've been I hope that you've taken time out of that "busyness"to stop and smell the roses -- or rather the pine, or the cookies baking, or apples and cinnamon simmering on the stove, or citrus or rosemary -- so many delicious smells this time of year! With family traditions being front and center of our activities this month, we continue in the day-to-day marketing of #our1892adventure (good news coming soon we hope!), and it seems sometimes that there just is not enough time in the day. My family decided this year to exchange small gifts with a $10 limit (Seriously? Yep!) which has proven to be very challenging! But it also makes you take time to really think about something that can be meaningful regardless of the cost. The jury's still out on seeing how I did on that one. But because I know that taking care of myself includes time to take a break from the crazy action and just sit still, I've allowed myself time to do that. I sit on the sofa with a cup of coffee or tea and take a moment to rejuvenate before tackling the must-dos and the need-to-dos. It's amazing how just a few minutes of solitude will help you to re-focus right when you think you've used up the last little ounce of energy your body and mind can produce for the day.
And always at this time of year, I like to remind myself of the blessing I have of the many friends who support me through the year and especially the ones who sit down and take time to read my blog entries. When I think of this gratefulness I feel in my heart, I try to immediately express that thankfulness in written form, and that is the main focus of this entry...to say thank you to all those whose support has gotten me through the tough and trying times of renovating homes and the occasional family crisis -- your comments and encouraging words feed my soul! As we continue on this journey, whatever the next step may be in 2019, I hope you'll continue to follow my blog because I need you! I want you! I gotta have you! And will you do me a favor?
If you know anyone who might benefit from from reading my blog, if even for just a smile or a moment of encouragement from this ol' gal who's been there, done that, and would love to encourage their day, would you please direct them to my website? I would really appreciate it.
Now, may I wish you a Very Merry Christmas, filled to overflowing with all the things that bring you joy and gladness, the love of family and friends, and a heart of gratefulness for all the goodness in your life. May your Christmas day be a time of reflection and introspection. May you see all the good around you and, if you see bad, may you have the courage to do something about it. May you find yourself healthy and happy and whole. And may 2019 be a year filled with all the same things and more!
Or, in the words of this old Irish blessing...
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Preston Family Album 2018
“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year."
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
Today is Black Friday. And even though I know it's named that for the sales that are made today, putting businesses in the black heading into the Christmas season, there is really nothing black about this day for me.
Coming off the heels of a beautiful Thanksgiving Day in Atlanta, my heart is full and continues to feel gratefulness like I haven't felt in awhile. I've made a new commitment to try and live each day more gratefully, and only because I've recently realized that when you stop counting your blessings, you allow all manner of anger, bitterness, resentment and such to take up space in your heart and a heart of gratefulness really has no room for that. It's like one pushes out the other and it is up to us to decide which will reside in our hearts.
When we first started #our1892adventure, we had no idea what we were up against. But as people doing what they love sometimes do, we dove in head first and sunk our heart, soul, and strength into it. Nearing the end of this renovation project, we found ourselves physically and emotionally depleted with a depleted bank account, and lacking in just about every arena you could imagine. When you are in this state of "existence," you see how you've let some of the important things in your life slip by the wayside and not get the attention needed for health and wellbeing. Like your personal state of mind. Your spiritual state of being. Your relationships with others...maybe even your very own marriage. Sometimes you really don't even realize it until you find yourself standing at the edge of a large canyon and there is a mountain lion on your heels. Do you jump and know you're jumping to your death or do you take your chances with the lion and hope for a miracle? This is how I've felt at times and, believe me, it is not a pretty place to be (no matter how beautiful that mountain lion and canyon is). In times like these, you have to take a step back, ask yourself again (for about the millionth time in your life) what is it that you're wanting in life and reassess the present situation so as to align yourself in that direction. Sometimes we become so focused on the immediate job at hand that we allow it to drain us of all our resources and even our state of mind becomes a needy entity for which there remains nothing left within you to nurture it for the days ahead. You find youself numb, empty, and on the verge of being emotionally alone.
I think this is why I love Thanksgiving more than any other holiday. And that is saying a lot since I am a die-hard Christmas lover. Thanksgiving forces us to take a look at our lives, what is surrounding us, re-focus on the priorities that bring us happiness, and to truly be thankful for the good in our lives. No matter what hard times have faced us in the year, Thanksgiving is the time to dig deep (or maybe some don't have to) to remember the things that are good and truly grateful-worthy. Do you have a roof over your head and food in your mouth? Do you have clothes on your back and peace surrounding you? Do you have even one person in your life who loves you fiercely? Now, I am fully aware there are those out there who might not have any of these things, but only when we take care of ourselves by embracing the good we have can we be strong enough to help others. I pray that Thanksgiving has brought you even one tiny step closer to remembering all that is good in your life. Because others are counting on you and you need gratefulness to be all you can be for them...for your spouse...for your child...for your aging parents...for the person in your life who sees you as their example of hope for the future. I know that sounds really heavy, but to whom much is given, much is required. Isn't that what the good book says?
Now, all that being said, I can finally(!!!!) announce that #our1892adventure is officially on the market and for that I am EXTREMELY grateful. It has been a long, hard ride on a bony horse that has given me bumps and bruises on my backside and thrown me to the ground more times than I can count (metaphorically speaking), and one that I will not soon forget! I'm not quite ready to ride again, but when I do I'm looking for a younger version who won't be so ornery! This ol' 125-year-old gal has just about done us in! But, of course, with Christmas a mere month away now, I had to see how she'd look all dolled up for the holidays and, if I say so myself, she's a beaut! Living here is another blessing I've had to come to realize. No matter how long we're here, having a time of enjoying the love and hard work we've put into this project has given me new perspective and for that I am sincerely grateful.
Wishing you love, peace, and a tuly thankful heart...
"It didn't matter how big our house was; it mattered that there was love in it."
- Peter Buffett
Have you ever noticed when you're in a crunch to get out the door that the last 30 minutes before you are to leave fly by like a nano-second? It does with me. I can be going along at a good pace, having allowed plenty of time to do all the necessary things I have to do to be prepared and then in the last 30 minutes everything falls apart. Either I have to change clothes one more time due to indecision or spilling my coffee again or I get a phone call that I have to take or -- well, I think I'd be safe to say you know exactly what I'm talking about. Something inevitably happens to delay your departure at the time you planned. Case in point: Even though we begin with ample time to get my sweet little P off to the bus stop, we sometimes end up with: "Finish your breakfast or we'll be late! Brush your teeth -- do a good job but do it quickly! Show me just how fast you can put those socks and shoes on!" Thank goodness this is the exception and not the rule, but for some reason those last 30 minutes seem to evaporate into thin air.
You'll probably agree that we're heading into one of the busiest times of the year with holiday preparations and such. I simply cannot believe we're just three short weeks away till we celebrate Thanksgiving and officially head into the Christmas season. Of course, if you ever venture out into retail territory you know that Christmas has already officially been ushered in. Christmas trees and baubles and pretties abound and, as much as I've tried to resist the urge, I have finally given myself permission to look at Christmas decor and dream a little bit about what mine might look like this year. But with our house on the market, who knows if I'll even be here for Christmas? I might be spending Christmas in an extended-stay hotel like I did Easter a couple years back. For all the many reasons I am glad my eldest daughter is back in the Atlanta area, celebrating the holidays is one of the top ones. Because I know that no matter where we are (as in where we're hanging our hat at the moment), we are always welcome at our daughter's beautiful home and have the privilege of sharing in the new traditions she is making with her little family. It's one of my greatest blessings for which I'll be thankful on November 22nd.
We are now in the "last 30 minutes" of our #1892adventure. We are literally hours away from our real estate listing going live, and THERE IS STILL SO MUCH TO DO-----EEEEEK!
I sat down recently to compose a final punch-out list for the house, and it actually grows a bit with each passing day. It seems as though you can always think of something to do still -- one final tweak...one last correction...one little thing that will hopefully make everything picture-perfect. But I am one who knows only too well from experience that there is no such thing as perfection and, if you try to attain it, you will be a sad little person. Because there is always something that in your mind seems absolutely necessary, but is it really? So what if every little thing isn't perfect? Let's not deceive ourselves into thinking that others EVER see us as perfect. They don't. We all have our little dents and dings, but we're trying all the time to do better, be better, live better, and that's okay. Let's just be ourselves and let all those little dents and dings just hang out and become part of who we are. We're much more interesting that way anyway. If you're waiting till your house is perfect before you have friends over, don't. It'll never be perfect no matter how hard you try, and you'll miss out on one of life's greatest joys: Spending time with friends and family.
One of our last jobs to complete on the house has been giving the living/dining room fireplace some extra love. The ol' girl probably looked pretty good for 125 years old, but there were a few things we wanted to do to spruce her up. It's so interesting (thinking of perfection, that is), to see how people in the past felt about this fireplace. They weren't the least bit interested in how she looked but, as this was their only source of heat, how she worked. When warmth and air started to slip out of the crumbling mortar on the chimney, what did they do? They piled more mortar on to plug those holes and keep the heat in! Over the years, later folks decided that covering the old fireplaces would be the next best thing to them not being there (after central heating), and for many, many years they stood behind the walls. They were things of utility, not beauty. Having centralized heating was what those folks were proud of! But we have set these old sentinels free, and have given them the opportunity to shine once more and to be what they truly are...works of art...pieces of history...parts of past lives that deserve to be recognized for their roles in the last 125 years.
So now that we are in "the last 30 minutes" of this renovation, it's sometimes hard to believe it because it's been the hardest job we've ever worked on. There were days that seemed to last forever holding problems that at the moment had no solutions and where we fell into bed dog-tired at night. But one thing I know: Every job finally does get completed and you can look back in wonder at all you've been able to accomplish. I cannot let those last 30 minutes derail me trying to reach for unattainable perfection. I will just let this house stand for who she is...a 125-year-old hardworking gal who, like me, has her own unique imperfections.
And she is all the more beautiful for them.
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
- Thomas A. Edison
Posted by CC
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